8 posts tagged “humor”

Show us where you work. 
Submitted by leisa bell.  

Well, I actually don't have anything to show.  I work in a cubical....which is pretty boring.  You've seen one you've seen them all.  Plus, the owners of my company have never saw reason to buy a sign.  We just have a boring, unmarked building sitting on a street.  Makes for good fun when people show up for their interviews

New Guy: I am supposed to have an interview.
Secretary: Don't think it was here, but you look like someone we could use.  Do you have a problem working with human cadavers?
New Guy: Um....
Secretary: Poor Tom thought he could handle them, but then he showed up with a shotgun and...
New Guy: I think I need to get going.
Secretary: I'm just messing with ya.  Tom's perfectly fine.  I called the institute yesterday they said he's making eye contact again.  It's a good sign.

These are two videos I saw recently that really cracked me up. First up, well...just watch.

Last week I purchased a burger at Burger King for $1.58. The counter girl took my $2 and I was digging for my change when I pulled 8 cents from my pocket and gave it to her. She stood there, holding the nickel and 3 pennies, while looking at the screen on her register. I sensed her discomfort and tried to tell her to just give me two quarters, but she hailed the manager for help . While he tried to explain the transaction to her, she stood there and cried. Why do I tell you this?  Because of the evolution in teaching math since the 1950s:

1. Teaching Math In 1950

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit?

2. Teaching Math In 1960

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit?

3. Teaching Math In 1970

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80. Did he make a profit?

4. Teaching Math In 1980

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20.

5. Teaching Math In 1990

A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or the preservation of our woodlands. He does this so he can make a profit of $20. What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down their homes? ( There are no wrong answers. )

6. Teaching Math In 2007

Un hachero vende una carretada de maderapara $100. El costo de la producciones es $80. Cuanto dinero ha hecho?
 

This is a hilarious parody of the Mac/PC commercials.  It'll make you rethink that Mac purchase.

I haven't really added many people to my neighborhood.  There are several reasons for this, but mostly I’m just not sure when it is OK to add someone.  I keep wondering if there is etiquette (thank you spell checker) involved.  Do you have to ask their permission?  Do you have to post a comment on their blog at least once a week?  

Then there is always the fear of rejection.  Will they find me creepy?  Will they tell me my blog sucks and demand I remove them from my neighborhood immediately for filling the world with incoherent dribble? No thank you, I don’t need to be dealing with that.  I like who I am.

Then there is the fear that the person you added will suddenly decide that they like to talk about…um…questionable things on their blog.  Now, I am not talking about the stuff that just bothersome or a matter of their opinion.  I’m talking about the kind of thing that’s just plain wrong.  Like, talking about how you think people with clefs in their chin are superior to all other human beings.  Or about how Showgirls is your "favorite movie of all time" (seriously man, that’s just disturbing).

Of course, there is also a slight possiblity that I might just be overthinking the whole thing...

This article made me smile.  Apparently some people are really getting into their new Wii games, and their remotes are flying and breaking things as a result.  Sweaty hands and people letting go of the remote are apparently the culprits.  One bowling game that requires you to move your arm like you are bowling is apparently causing problems because people actually let go of the remote as they would a real bowling ball.  Nintendo is apparently "looking into" wrist straps breaking. 

Wrist straps?  I think they should look into wrist straps not being worn.  Seriously, I would have never worn it.  I would have looked at it and thought, "Well, that's gay." (Sorry, that's how I talk.  Not PC, but that's me.)    I'd, of course, be one of those people looking at the hole in my TV saying, "Oh.  So, that's what the strap was for." 

Then again, this could just be an ingenious conspiracy by some men to get that HDTV their wife won't let them buy.  "Gosh honey, I can't believe I did that.  How silly of me.  The rock?  Oh, well, I held that in my hand with the remote to add weight.  I guess we should just go HD since they're so cheap now.  Bummer."

I joined our local Freecycle group a few months ago just to see what people would be giving away.  Mostly I'm just spammed by people asking for free stuff.  Now, I'm a mooch too.  I joined to get free crap, but at least I don't have the nerve to send an email asking for it.  I just sit back and wait.  What surprises me is the stuff people ask for, but this one made me laugh out-loud:

Looking for a small or toy poodle to keep inside or any small dog but perfer poodle for a loving home. Also looking for a 10 t0 20 gal or bigger fish tank as well.

Now, I don't know about you, but I would be suspicious of giving my poodle to someone that just happens to be looking for a large aquarium as well.  Maybe the poodle will be the subject to some sort of scientific experiment, or maybe the poodle is just food for their real pet: a python.  Also, getting a free, full bread dog from a perfect strager seems like a long shot.  What do poodles go for?  I would guess no less than $500.  People need to ask for used underwear or weapons that need disposed of.  Stuff people actually want to get rid of.  Maybe I should send the following:

Wanted: 52in plasma TV for 26 year old with bad eye site.  I'm tired of squinting to see 27in television. Also, my Xbox 360 and PS3 just don't look right on standard def.  Please help a person in need.

Blogging has pretty much taken a back burner to everything lately. I have a lot of things going on right now, and I am staying pretty busy. We are having Thanksgiving at our place next week. Originally we were expecting as many as 15 people, but it turns out we’ll be lucky to have more than 4 people (besides ourselves) show up.

I can’t believe Christmas as going to be here in a little over a month. Every year Jennifer and I say we’ll start shopping early, but we never do it. We wind up having to buy all our gifts in the last month. Neither one of us could really think of anything we wanted for Christmas this year, so we are talking about buying a new recliner. Our existing recliner is an eye sore. We bought the leather recliner we have about 5 years ago.  We had also gotten a cat not long before that, and we named her Piper. One weekend, we decided to go out of town and leave Piper at our apartment with our new recliner. We thought everything would be OK.  Up until then, Piper had left the chair alone. When we got home, we discovered that Piper had decided to chew the thing up from top to bottom. Yes, I said chew. When we first saw the results we assumed the obvious: she had clawed it. There may have been some of that too, but over the years we discovered that it was chewing that did the chair in. We got part of the chair reupholstered at one point because my wife was convinced Piper never messed with the chair anymore. Well, we discovered she preferred perfect leather upholstery. Once she had chewed it up, it apparently lost its appeal. I’ve kept the chair for this long because we put so much money into it, I couldn’t bring myself to get rid of it. Besides, it was ugly, but it still worked. That changed a year or so ago with it stopped reclining. So now its not only an eye sore, but it doesn’t work anymore.

Most people tell me we should have gotten rid of our cat when she chewed up the chair the first time, but we kept Piper until this past summer. She was getting meaner and meaner over the years and wasn’t adjusting to Grace. Piper could have been mean to almost anyone she wanted and Jennifer would not have cared, but when she started hissing at Grace, Jennifer turned on her. The only person in the world that loved that cat decided it was time for her to go. I’ll save the story of getting rid of her for a later date, but it involves an empty potato sack, piano wire, a cinder block and a little event we refer to as “dunking day”. I am joking, of course. We left her at an animal shelter and like to think someone fond of possessed animals took her home.